i am too old for LJ anymore... and it's boring. and i hate the PA site. it's embarrassing to be on here being so old.
everyone is always bitching too much for me. i am bored. i am old. i need a hobby.

The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight Lyrics
And it starts, sometime around midnight.
Or at least that’s when you lose yourself
for a minute or two.
As you stand, under the bar lights.
And the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while.
And the piano’s this melancholy soundtrack to her smile.
And that white dress she’s wearing
you haven’t seen her for a while.

But you know, that she’s watching.
She’s laughing, she’s turning.
She’s holding her tonic like a cross*.
The room’s suddenly spinning.
She walks up and asks how you are.
So you can smell her perfume.
You can see her lying naked in your arms.

And so there’s a change, in your emotions.
And all these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind.
Of the curl of your bodies,
like two perfect circles entwined.
And you feel hopeless and homeless
and lost in the haze of the wine.

Then she leaves, with someone you don’t know.
But she makes sure you saw her.
She looks right at you and bolts.
As she walks out the door,
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes.
Oh and when your friends say,
“What is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Then you walk, under the streetlights.
And you’re too drunk to notice,
that everyone is staring at you.
You just don’t care what you look like,
the world is falling around you.

You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You just have to see her.
You know that she’ll break you in two.

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin'
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's chokin' how, everybody's jokin' now
The clock's run out, time's up, over, Bleeggh!
Snap back to reality, oh, there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked, he's so mad
But he won't give up that easy, no, he won't have it
He knows his whole back's to these ropes, it don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke, he's so stacked that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again, yo, this whole rhapsody,
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't collapse on him

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime

The soul's escaping through this hole that is gaping
This world is mine for the taking, make me king
As we move toward a new world order
A normal life is boring, but superstardom's
Close to post-mortem, it only grows harder,
Only grows hotter, he blows us all over,
These hoes is all on him coast to coast shows,
He's known as the globetrotter lonely roads, god only
Knows he's grown farther from home he's no father,
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose 'cuz here goes the cold water
These hoes don't want him no mo', he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows he nose
Dove and sold nada so the soap opera
Is told and unfolds, I suppose it's old partner
But the beat goes on da da dum da dum da da

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime

No more games, I'm a change what you call rage
Tear this mothafuckin' roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playin' in the beginnin', the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin' and stepped right in the next cypher
Best believe somebody's payin' the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the
Fact that I can't get by with my nine to
Five and I can't provide the right type of
Life for my family 'cuz, man, these goddamn
Food stamps don't buy diapers and there's no movie,
There's no mekhi phifer, this is my life,
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Tryin' to feed and water my seed, plus teetertotter
Caught up between bein' a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama screamin' on and too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point I'm like a snail I've got
To formulate a plot or end up in jail or shot
Success is my only mothafuckin' option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in salem's lot
So here I go, it's my shot, feet fail me not
This may be the only opportunity that I got

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime

You better -

obama prank called someone, obama got a hair cut. he wants a dog. his kid likes to finger paint. his wife is outfitted in beautiful dresses and hairstyles- buy them!, she likes jello. it's everywhere. has any other president been exploited like this? i don't remember their faces on every magazine... Clinton was the last I remember, but gracing covers for dirt instead of praise. Speaking of Clinton, it's too bad those days are over. These days it's kind of like we are digging our own graves- that's the bottom of it anyway. Not to say there aren't many positive sides to our current state, to me at least there are. I enjoy people being knocked down in financial status, it brings us closer to each other. Finally I am not alone!

Seriously though, I enjoy the humbleness that comes with recession. I feel less like someone might kill me at any moment- though I don't really have any good reasons for the anticipation of that other than paranoia :-P

i'm tired of seeing Obama's smiling face. I feel he's mocking us, as if there is something he always knew, some magical fix for the country he's been hoarding. He speaks of his plan as if it's going to solve the worlds problems. If this is actually the case, I say bring it on- impress me, let us see that you're leadership is what we've been needing. Unfortunately, thank you to checks and balances "change" doesn't really mean much at all. Perhaps since we're in a bad state the government will be willing to "change" in radical ways. given our history, it's unlikely.


on different note, what the fuck. I need a drink. I've been compulsively spending lately. It's not bad, only 20$ on a shirt that I'd die for (vanity :)!) and a bathrobe (7.99 black Friday!)... but I am not supposed to spend anything at all. I guess girls will be girls though :D

I have a NEW GOAL. It's to do something I have hardly done in the past- TAKE A RISK
such as interviewing for jobs I THINK I can't get or asking for a promotion.
For me goals don't mean today or tomorrow, they're a process. in truth I probably won't do this for a few weeks, slowly working my way up to it.

nom nom nom we are at almost two months and counting of no purges. I did binge last while on my sleep medication, I woke up hoping it was a dream. better days will come.

I love love love my livejournal friends. I am sorry I don't go on too much, I miss it.

I think I should have a funeral for the comma i use it too much. i really want to put it after the word comma (there again too!) but it's dead for the moment.

i'm trying not to let my life pass me by.
i need to find what i want again, it's changed. i wanted a home and kids and a dog, but not anymore... not yet anyway

i want to do something extraordinary, or as close as i can get.




i have a gargantuan cranium :-P

"I admire addicts. In a world where everybody is waiting for some bline, random disaster, or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. He's taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of death from being a total surprise."

i am submissive and such, sort of disappeared for the night... it comes on strong sometimes.
i'd like to shut up and enjoy being nothing without the fear.

man i thought a drink might shake it, but the solution just added to the problem and left me wanting to be loved... (in my pants).

Lay where you're laying
Don't make a sound
I know they're watching
They're watching

All the commotion
That killing of pain
Has people talking
They're talking

You
Your sex is on fire

The dark of the alley
The breaking of day
Ahead while I'm driving
I'm driving

The soft lips are open
Them knuckles are pale
It feels like you're dying
You're dying

And you
Your sex is on fire
Concerned
With what's to transpire

Hot as a fever
Rattling bones
I could just taste it
Just taste it

If it's not forever
If it's just tonight
Oh it's still the greatest
The greatest, the greatest

And you
Your sex is on fire

And you
Your sex is on fire, ah
Concerned
With what's to transpire

And you
Your sex is on fire
Concerned
With what's to transpire

o my goodness.

i will always be just short of fabulous.
i'm beginning to accept it

it's important to me that i live with meaning.
and that i am always learning something intriguing
the world is my oyster

i am about three seconds away

i always wish i was thinner.
i believe i would be more comfortable with myself that way.
it never works out that way, and i know that.
i still want it.
i need to be beautiful and when i feel i am, i wish to be plain.
i want to be a surgeon. i want to write books. i want to have a family, a child.
i want a new job
always want a new job
they get old so fast... jobs and men. they do not satisfy me.
the answer isn't in religion, if it is then i'd have found it
i gave up on money a long time ago. it has little value to me.

all i can see is a vast nothing in front of me and i am overwhelmingly bored.

i will never believe i am good enough where i am because i will always have the infinite nothing staring me back in the face

laughing at me because it's always known that it had already won.

25 minutes. just a note.

is being dumb not being able to understand much, or a lack of ability to remember things?
a combination of both? is that even possible?
there's a difference between being dumb and being able to comprehend
and a difference between being naive versus being dumb...

or unable to come to a correct conclusion, when faced with a problem? is it lack of vocabulary? does it involve interests?

how can anyone label ANYONE else as dumb? the definition is so unclear to me, that i can't understand dumb itself. perhaps that makes me dumb.

if that's the case then i feel bad for anyone who is going under anesthesia and the last thing they see is me holding a scalpel.

fuck the world, right? it's hard to shut it all out all of the time.

it's my birthday today.
April 8th
love me love me love me
i want it.

i go to bed pooped and wake up even poopier.

zzz

i think i am on too many medicines
need more stimulants !

let it go - the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise - let it go it
was sworn to
go

let them go - the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers - you must let them go they
were born
to go

let all go - the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things - let all go
dear

so comes love

~ e. e. cummings ~

why don't people like me?

because i'm simple minded and dumb. i'm also spacey, out of my mind, random and spastic.

oh and i am socially awkward.
boring.
i complain too much.
i am lazy.
i over eat.

i like my dog too much.

crossss
posted
:-P

what are your favorite scales?